whee!

Django

2007-05-22T22:45:19Z

god i love youtube

silly test- i got a 44

2006-08-28T23:55:05Z

Ready??

Begin.

1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon & and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk...
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) less fast, head
down
e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with...
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to
sleep you are...
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. &nb sp;(a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 ( c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1
Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care."
You're seen as vain, self-ce ntered, and who is extremely dominant. Others
may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust
you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather
impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions,
though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome,
someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an
adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you
radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing,
practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of
attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head.
They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll
always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical.
They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who
makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to
friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who
really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your
friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust
is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see
you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It
would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the
spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every
an gle and the n, usually dec ide against it. They think this reaction is
caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone
who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions
& who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anyt hing! They see you
as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some peopl e think
you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

that last entourage got me thinkin

2006-08-16T06:33:53Z

if i'm gonna get married, i need to really consider putting together a serious freebie list.

top on the list right now? stephen colbert. but maybe that's bc i'm watching the colbert report as i write this. you know, i'm just not horny enough lately.

boredom and paralysis

2006-06-14T22:50:56Z

writing at work: futile. spent about 20 minutes on a character breakdown when i got back from lunch. got stuck. went to get some frozen yogurt downstairs. came back. tried to get back into the character breakdown but i got stuck again. could try freewriting but i'm terrified more crap like yesterday's crap will come tumbling out.

not even 4pm.

i'm so screwed.

what happens when you don't tie a poem to a concrete image

2006-06-14T01:09:30Z

i.e. an example of crap submitted for amusement and possibly to serve as an object lesson:

untitled crap

i can't bear to listen
take a page from my book
crumpled and stuffed away
messages appear and disappear
and are forgotten

but eaten.
lotus nourishment
providing for uneasy rest.

my twisted spine remembers
dull tooth and jagged flesh

these whispers will be heard

fun with old notebooks

2006-05-09T18:19:16Z

not working again today. yesterday was the first day i haven't had a temp job since i started temping in december. it felt good, since i stayed productive . today i'm also staying productive, but i'm a little more anxious. i've been digging through boxes, getting out all my notebooks from years past, and thumbing through, looking for interesting things and perhaps some poems i never finished. basically excavating for inspiration. in one notebook dated to end of high school/first year of college, i found this amusing snippet:

i walk to the edge of the driveway
enough time for a last comfortable smoke
and as i throw the butt in the
puddle at the end of the driveway
i think how much of a puddle
you are and what a butt i am

can't remember for the life of me who if anyone specific i was referring to. haha.
ok back to work.

flickr test post

2006-04-26T00:03:42Z

me (at 4 yrs) and xan
Originally uploaded by silly j.

and for this test, i'm using a picture of me at about 4 years old with my dog xanadu. check out my stylin' bangs. and that thing on xan's head was a little invention my mom called the "snoot" that we would use to hold back his hair so he wouldn't get it all in the food. smashing!

poem

2006-04-05T16:04:59Z

Four Decembers Later

I no longer have reason

to visit this town.

There is no

Sitting in your kitchen

Listening to you wish you had better cabinets

And drinking hot chocolate in that ancient mug that you hated

but I wouldn’t let you throw away

because it made the cocoa taste more like marshmallow.

There is only

passing through--

quick interstate exit

(apologies to my companion who never had the honor of meeting you)

And a wrong turn--Crepe Myrtle instead of Ash Lawn--

on the way to your grave.

I don’t know what I expected

But not tattered formerly blue silk flowers

in that cold grey urn

breaking the orderly row of stones decked with pine wreaths and red ribbons.

You would have made sure there were poinsettias.

i feel like crap

2006-03-24T01:34:53Z

for lots of reasons. but i basically just feel like....crap.

i think that the new temp gig i start on monday is gonna su-huck. the girl who trained me for it yesterday was all "see ya, don't wanna be ya". and basically took me aside and was like "half the people on this floor are 2-faced bitches, watch your back." great words of advice to someone who basically already has a million and one difficulties relating to other women. i appreciate what she had to say, and i'm just trying to tell myself to just feel things out and come to my own decision about people, but i'm still worried bc the job itself just feels like a million and one little tasks that i am not going to care at all about so the possibility of many fuckups is high.

on top of this i keep wondering if i'm too sensitive of a person. sometimes things people say or do hurt me so much. and i get the sense that it's all small potatoes to whoever is doing the hurting. so i wonder if my being hurt is really out of proportion or what. there are a couple people in my life who i love so much but it seems like it just takes one dismissive word from them and i feel like i've actually been punched in the chest. it's really a physical sensation. it doesn't matter how much i say to myself "they didn't mean it that way" it still hurts. i'm so tired of either retaliating by yelling, or saying nothing and silently hurting, or trying to "explain" why i am hurting. it's never going to get better. people are always going to say stuff. the other day i was sitting on the sofa with someone and i started talking about something and i guess i was getting excited and talking loudly or something and she was like "shh!" and was like "oh." and i didn't say anything but it really hurt me, it's like "is my voice really that annoying?" like is it worth making someone feel really badly about themselves over a 30 second conversation? i guess that's the question. is it worth it to make someone else feel like shit for a brief moment of satisfaction for yourself. i know i have probably done hurtful things, thoughtless and not so accidental. but i can't imagine shushing somebody. (i mean, a friend i was talking to, not like an annoying asshole in a movie theater or something.) and maybe i have gotten annoyed and lashed out momentarily at someone but i think, i hope, i always caught myself in time and apologized. and i know people are like "oh get over it, i didn't mean anything by it" or even the dreaded "it was just a joke", but still. and i wonder if anyone else ever feels like that. the physical pain i mean. it actually feels like a blow to my chest. sometimes my stomach. the "hurt" part of hurting my feelings is physical.

anyway i guess this isn't really in relation to anything specific,and sorry to ramble ever so incoherently. i just feel kind of alienated and really sad today today i guess. it's weird bc i have been making SMALL inroads lately to not feeling so self-conscious and shy around people which is odd bc i'm OFF meds now. but today someone was a little short with me on the phone and...ugh i just feel really sad about it. and the "he didn't mean it that way" isn't helping. i just feel...humiliated. i really just want to crawl off somewhere and hide.

is anyone as obsessed with this as i am?

2006-03-16T20:31:35Z

i just came across 43 places today and i've spent all morning hanging out there (and 43 things, 43 people, etc). is much, much fun. (o if anyone is already on or is joining, my name is "sillyj")

...

2006-03-15T07:22:53Z

so in writing class today my teacher asked me and one other girl to read the stories we wrote as assigments for our last class. another woman came up to me after class and said she thought i should keep writing. that felt good.

but then i saw that josh had called twice while i was in class. i called him back and it looks like pepto got in a fight at day care today around 7pm. i guess another dog bit him in the mouth so they took him to the hospital. josh went to see him and he's ok. they have him on antibiotics and painkillers and are having him rest tonight and then tomorrow they will give him stitches in his mouth. they thought he might have lacerations in his nose but now they think he doesn't. i know he'll be ok but i can't help being upset. i think he shouldn't have even been in daycare in the first place but we had to leave him there today because the evil building manager was supposed to be over here today to pick up some paperwork from our neighbors (i won't even get into the fact that i'm 99.999% sure she was in our apartment again yesterday without our permission- basically i KNOW i left the bedroom door open when i left in the morning and when i came home from work it was closed. bizarre, eh?)and josh and i figured pepto should stay at daycare to avoid any problems.

whatever, i can't worry about it- the bottom line is, pepto can be a little too "in your face" with bigger dogs and maybe in the end he needed to learn that not all dogs are happy to put up with a puppy barking and trying to play at every second of the day. but still....

v for vendetta

2006-03-07T17:50:04Z

saw it last night. LOVED it. still processing my thoughts. can't decide if i'm just getting carried away- it has been a long time since i've seen a (new release) film and felt even a strong like for it, so maybe my standards have weakened a bit? all i know is i walked out of the theater last night positively soaring and not being able to wait to encounter people i could recommend it to.

however, my friend chas, who invited me to the screening...HATED it. and spent most of the time audibly scoffing.

so? who knows what everyone else will think. i think it was a triumph. but as i have mentioned here before, i do have a weakness for masked and/or strangely-headed men. and i also think that the film definitely plays on emotions of those of us particularly frustrated by the current, uh, state of this country. i'll go into details in a bit.
(i know i always say that but this time i mean it, dammit.)

operation pepto underground

2006-02-25T00:05:42Z

we have until monday at midnight to "cure the breach". or something. we are currently looking for a lawyer. in the meantime, i need to find a place to keep pepto for at least the next couple weeks.
takers?

hehe.

could be....

2006-02-19T18:07:06Z

Libra: It's all too easy for you to skip right over the details today and then wonder what went wrong. If others seem to be pushing your emotional buttons, don't push back. Changing your attitude can help recreate the peace, especially if you've tried to blame someone else for your misjudgment.
Sunday, February 19, 2006

makes complete sense

2006-02-16T18:51:30Z

You are the Lovers card. The Lovers card is about

union. Each of us carries in our DNA the

ability to be the opposite of what we think

we are. Often our romantic attachments grow

out of awe and respect as we see in another

the characteristics we repress in ourselves.

Society often presses us into molds of what

it thinks masculinity and femininity should

be. As a result, many of us associate with

our gender certain positive characteristics

and call others negative, when if these same

qualities were held by a person of the

opposite sex, our attitude towards them would

be reversed. Getting in touch with our inner

animus and anima, (Jung's terms for our inner

male and female), allows us to see the whole

of our personalities in a positive and

constructive light. When you draw The Lovers

card in a reading, you are working with

balancing these forces. Depending on where

the card is, you have either achieved balance

or need to. The Lovers could indicate a

romantic or even a platonic relationship. Ask

yourself is this is a positive relationship

that contributes to your growth as a complete

human being, or if it fills an emotional

craving within you that is actually

detrimental to your personal growth. Image

from: The Iranian artist Riza.

http://www.metmuseum.org/collections/view1.asp?dep=14&item=50%2E164

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

this isn't really apropos of anything

2006-02-16T00:16:11Z

but where the F is the good music lately? i realized while looking back through my LJ that i'm still listening to the same songs over and over since september. i LOVE LOVE LOVE sufjan stevens' illiois and i feel like it warrants a lot of listening but good god, i do like to hear NEW things too. the only 3 cds i have in my car right now are fiona apple - extraordinary machine, the clientele - strange geometry and illiois. and i don't know why i have fiona in there since i never listen to it. i haven't been to a show in forever. i'm BORED. i want something new and good. and i want 50 foot wave to play an LA show soon. i want bands with cute boys.
there is really no point to this post. i'm just in a weird mood.
sorry.

as if one pet weren't enough...

2006-02-15T07:25:29Z

happy valentine's day

jeopardy!

2006-02-10T22:52:34Z

i think i rocked it! i feel really good about my chances of getting called to go on...they can call me at any point during the next year. whether they do or not, i'm pretty damn proud of myself.
more details in my "real" blog later....

my slobs

2006-02-04T04:50:36Z

aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2006-02-01T22:19:52Z

last thursday night i had to take an online version of the 50 question preliminary test for JEOPARDY. (finally...i think that it was back when i joined livejournal that i first requested an audition.) i guess i passed cause they emailed me today told me to come in for the next part of the process on feb 10. yow!!!!!

pepto

2006-01-06T06:15:48Z

boywithstick and jenafey came over for dinner tonite and met pepto. i think they liked him. i miss their LJ posts. i forgot to tell them that at dinner. i'm going to turn in now. the adorable demon puppy pepto sends his regards to all.

corporate world sucks

2005-12-30T15:04:57Z

i'm back in LA....crazy crazy trip back east. i got a freakin puppy in new york. he's adorable. but barking a lot. and he's an illicit resident of josh's apartment so i'm terrified of getting busted at any second.

anyway i'd love to chat more but i have to get in the shower...i have to be downtown at 8:30 this morning to do a temp assignment at a property managment company. no internet, no im, no phone calls...they wear pantyhose. it sucks. but i get to use a walkie talkie. except i'm scared bc i don't really know the lingo. i'm like "uh....base to E-1...there's a, uh...down light out in sector 2233E" or something like that. muy exciting.

catch y'all later. hope everyone is having wonderful holidays and getting ready for an excellent 2006.

FREEDOM

2005-12-15T16:10:02Z

today is my last day. i'm waiting for mer to get out of the shower. i am going to try and get in early so i can clean out files on my computer (bye bye 6000 song itunes library). today is also the holiday "luncheon" at john's house and my office manager was just appalled that i declined to attend. HAHAHA.
anyway, to answer teamhydra's question in my last post- it's not secret where i'm going, it's just not very exciting. i'm going to work on writing a young adult novel. and temping during the day for cash. looks like i'm also going to try my hand at a little independent producing, but that's a topic for another day.
for the time being let me just congratulate myself for breaking free of my current soul crushing yet comfortably secure employment for an uncertain future. i'm terrified!

could my nerves be more raw

2005-12-06T22:41:02Z

i miss posting. i'm under so much stress right now and my emotions are so all over the place it would be nice to be able to check in more and just get all the crap out. but i can't. i'm still at the job until the 15th and even though it's just next week it seems so far away and i'm so frustrated and unhappy that i can't stand being here one more second. but at the same time, i'm freaked out because it IS so soon and i'm so scared to start this new phase in my life.

what a mess.

myers-briggs obsession

2005-10-26T22:47:24Z

My Bloginality is ENFP!!!